If you’re currently engaged, you know that wedding planning can feel like a full-time job.
Amidst all of the chaos of venue tours and cake tastings, you also have to fit in a Catholic marriage preparation course. This can feel like just another box to check, or a hurdle to jump before you can get to the “real” party. But what if there was a way to stop the “wedding machine” for a moment and focus on the person you will be spending the rest of your life with?
There is a way. It’s called Lent.
Why Lent is the “Secret Weapon” of Marriage Prep
Lent is the 40-day season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving that leads up to Easter. Lent is a time of preparation, in the same way that your engagement is a time of preparation for the Sacrament of Matrimony.
One of the first things you learn in any Roman Catholic marriage preparation course is the distinction between a contract and a covenant. This is where Lent becomes your secret weapon.
In the secular world, a marriage is often treated as a legal contract—an exchange of goods, services, and protections. It’s a “50/50” deal where if one person doesn’t deliver, the contract is void. However, the Church views marriage as a covenant. A covenant is not an exchange of property; it is a total exchange of persons.
A covenant is “100/100.” It is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church—a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Christ showed us what that looked like on the Cross. Lent gives you the space to practice that kind of “total gift of self” before you even say, “I do.” It prepares you to move from the “me” mentality of a contract to the “we” mentality of a sacramental union.
Weekly Focus Areas for an Intentional Lent
Even though Lent lasts for 40 days, we know that life is busy, so don’t feel pressured to follow a rigid 40-day calendar as you focus on your relationship. Instead, use these four weekly “Focus Areas” to ground your engagement in something deeper than just a seating chart.
Week 1: The Foundation of Intention
The first step in any marriage journey is intentionality. In a world of constant digital noise and wedding-related notifications, giving someone your undivided attention is a radical act of love.
- The Shared Prayer: Pick one simple prayer to say together every night. It doesn’t have to be a full Rosary; it could be a simple “Thank you, Lord, for [Partner’s Name].”
- The Marriage “Big Rocks”: Take one evening to discuss goals for your first year of marriage. Don’t talk about the wedding day—talk about the life that follows. How will you handle Sunday Mass? How will you manage your shared finances? Many of these important questions will be included in your Roman Catholic Marriage preparation course as well.
Week 2: Sacrifice as the Language of Love
We often think of Lent as “giving things up” chocolate or scrolling through Instagram. But for an engaged couple, the most powerful fast is a Fast from Selfishness.
In the Sacrament of Matrimony, you are the ministers of the sacrament to one another. You give the grace of the sacrament through your “yes.” That “yes” is practiced every time you choose your partner’s needs over your own.
- The Practice: Pick a “Shared Sacrifice.” Maybe you both decide to skip that expensive Saturday brunch or fast from a favorite streaming service for a week. Take the money or time you saved and redirect it. Use the time to talk or the money to support a local charity. This builds the muscle of Caritas (charity)—the unselfish love that will sustain you through the “for better or for worse” moments.
Week 3: Mastering Communication and Virtue
If you’ve started your Roman Catholic Marriage Preparation, you know that communication is the bridge for grace. When communication breaks down, that connection gets blocked by ego and misunderstanding.
This week, focus on “fasting” from the negative speech patterns that sneak into high-stress seasons:
- Fast from Sarcasm: Sarcasm often hides a “dig.” Try to speak only with sincere affirmation for seven days.
- Fast from the “Last Word”: In a minor disagreement, practice the sacrifice of letting it go. You don’t always have to be “right” to be happy.
Pro-Tip: Active Listening. When your fiancé is talking, don’t spend that time preparing your rebuttal. Just listen. Practice the “Speaker-Listener” technique where you repeat back what you heard: “So what I hear you saying is that you’re feeling overwhelmed by the guest list, is that right?” This simple act of validation is a form of spiritual almsgiving.
Week 4: Spiritual Growth & The Domestic Church
The Church teaches that the family is the “Domestic Church“—the first place where we learn about the love of God. That doesn’t start on your wedding day; it starts now.
- Stations of the Cross: If your parish offers Stations on Fridays, go together. It is a powerful reminder that every marriage involves a “cross,” but every cross leads to a Resurrection.
- The Gift of Reconciliation: Visit the Sacrament of Confession. There is no better way to prepare for marriage than to start with a completely clean slate, having experienced the mercy of God that you are then called to offer to your spouse.
When Wedding Planning Becomes Your “Lenten Desert”
Sometimes, you don’t need to go looking for sacrifices; they find you. A vendor cancels, a family member is being difficult about the guest list, or the budget is tighter than you expected.
Instead of seeing these as “ruining” your engagement, try to see them as a “Lenten desert.” These are opportunities to practice patience, temperance, and fortitude. When you choose to stay calm and kind in the face of wedding stress, you are doing more for your future marriage than any “perfect” reception ever could.
The Pilgrimage Toward the Altar
The beauty of the above 4-week guide is its flexibility. If you’re reading this and Lent is already half over, don’t worry. The goal isn’t a perfect 40-day streak; it’s about making a turn toward your spouse and toward God.
By choosing to lean into these themes—Intention, Sacrifice, Communication, and Spiritual Growth—you are doing something most couples forget to do. You are preparing your hearts, not just your guest list.
A wedding lasts a day. A marriage is meant to last a lifetime. This Lent, take the first few steps of that pilgrimage with your eyes fixed on Christ and your hand in the hand of your future spouse. That is the true heart of Roman Catholic marriage preparation.
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